got me used to that clean white linen/and that fancy French cologne

After reading Ruth Reichl's defense of her refrigerator's contents, I feel compelled to justify my guilty food pleasures.  Reichl mostly blamed her husband for such pantry embarrassments as hot dogs and Campbell's tomato soup, but I will take responsibility for all the food in our house.  So what if I lose a little foodie street-cred?  Sometimes my ipod on random reveals the Dixie Chicks or Joni Mitchell nestled in amongst the Jenny Lewis and Elvis Costello.  I blush when that happens, but I should admit that I like some things that are tacky or classic or comforting despite the fact that they don't exactly mesh with my current aesthetic.  David Chang admitted on No Reservations that he loves Mcnuggets with sweet and sour sauce and Bourdain himself says he has a weak spot for KFC mac and cheese.  I use good olive oil, farmer eggs, and seasonal vegetables.  I have sriracha, pumpkin butter, and homemade pickles in the fridge door.  But I also crave Taco Bueno and sometimes buy bagged salad.

Hellman's Mayonnaise
I wouldn't eat the stuff on a sandwich.  In fact, I used to close my eyes when I used store-bought mayo in a recipe to pretend it wasn't there (yes, even as an adult).  Once I had the real deal, it was nearly impossible to justify having a jar of this crap in the fridge...but sometimes I'm lazy and want a chicken salad sandwich or deviled eggs and can't be bothered to make it from scratch.

Peanut Butter with hydrogenated oils
I hate stirring the oil at the top of all natural peanut butter.  I also hate that the last bit in the jar is inedible and dry.  I like my peanut butter creamy and terrible for my heart and arteries. 

Kozy Shack Rice Pudding
Besides "natural flavors", I can identify all of the ingredients in this product: rice, milk, eggs, sugar, vanilla (er, vanilla flavor)...that means it isn't so bad or bad for me.  Michael Pollan says so.

Trader Joe's canned lentil soup
I have bags of dried lentils at the ready, and usually have mire poix in the crisper drawer, but dinner on the table in 2 minutes is hard to pass up.  I could eat this for lunch every weekday.  Last Winter, I did.

Bananas
They are an eco-unfriendly indulgence.  Barbara Kingsolver's whole family makes me feel guilty for buying these.  But banana bread is delicious and I have to reconcile this with the fact that bananas will never be in season in Chicago. 

Tacos at Midnight Doritos
I impulsively and inexplicably bought a large bag at the marina during our camping/fishing excursion to Wisconsin.  I don't even really like Doritos.  I tried to act all snobby about the first few bites "wow...you can really taste the cumin" but it really does (as the AV Club pointed out) just taste like chips covered with a taco seasoning packet.  I still hoarded most of the bag for myself.

Melted Fast Food Cheese
My favorite part of any fast-food experience is scraping up the cheese that has melted onto the packaging and eating it with my fingers.  I admit this is gross and apologize to any of you who have been forced to witness this habit.  I find cheese waste to be unforgivable and will stop at nothing to save the last morsel.

I'm certainly not the only food-obsessive with bad food behavior.  Do you crave fast food even though you know better?  What are your guilty food pleasures?  What snacks do you hide in your office drawer?