Worst. Sandwich. Ever.

I made a terrible mistake. I was bogged down with menu planning (I'm suddenly flooded with catering jobs - YAY!) and starving. My apartment is full of distractions: the neighbor lady condescendingly barking orders at her dog, a stack of unwatched movie mailers, a big comfortable bed, and a sink full of dirty dishes begging to be washed. For some stupid reason, I settled on using the free Starbucks wi-fi nearish my house to do the work and ignored my stomach's pleas for a fill up.

[A quick defense of my decision to patronize Starbucks for all of you hippies: I like Intelligentsia coffee better and I LOVE Metropolis which isn't in my neighborhood anymore, but I also am attempting to slow my growing addiction. I dig chai which has a little less caffeine - the Tazo Chai at Starbucks is consistent and I don't drink weak-ass tea. I could also buy a giant jug of the stuff at Jewel for $5/week instead of $5/cup, but that is another stupid decision for another blog.]

Halfway through my venti non-fat chai latte, the tummy grumblings got so loud I swear I could hear them over Sleater-Kinney* screaming on my ipod. I sauntered over to the counter and this is where it got ugly. I've had several Starbucks food items in the past - usually hasty grabs at airports or quick breakfast items on the way to work. Egg salad sandwich, fruit & cheese plate, veggies & evil dip, flax braid. I have not really enjoyed these food experiences, but I also wouldn't characterize them as awful. I also always tip my barista. Really well. Looking back, a tip back from her would have been nice, "I would think twice about purchasing that nearly $6 tasteless brick of a crappy sandwich that you are considering."

The Tomato & Mozzarella Ciabatta also contains "pesto butter" and spinach. Somehow they squeeze 22% of my daily value of sodium in there, but you wouldn't know it by the complete flavorlessness** contained between the massive squares of dry bread. The pesto butter is just unsalted butter with little specks of green. This might be basil or just chopped blades of grass. The tomato slices are those unspeakable grainy wet messes served in cafeterias everywhere. The few baby spinach leaves are healthful enough. They are super skimpy with the mozzarella which is all the same because it tastes like nothing. Next time I'd prefer a piece of cardboard soaked in 17 grams of fat.

*The Woods (Sub Pop '05). This album is guaranteed to help you get down to business.
**The spell checker is suggesting "humorlessness" here. That would work as well.
***The lovely sketch of the first Starbucks in Seattle (where I've been on a few occasions) is from Idle Minutes. It is a lovely little "illustrated Journal Featuring The Artwork of Don West".

1 comment:

Carrie Mason said...

Ick. Weird that Jesse and I now eat at Starbucks all the time. It's one of the only things near our office that's not packed during weekend lunch hour. I'm pretty sure we get a different menu in China though. I love the Mango Chicken wrap, heated. Unfortunately the coffee drink prices are about the same as back home but we make less money, so I make my own ghetto latte using the sugar/creamer bar. :-)